Long time no write. So I will write whatever I want (ha ha) and sorry if you all don’t get my point that I want to communicate to you.
One day I was watching telly and (accidentally) there was a scene that reminded me one page of my life. Then I think I found the trigger for that story.
I had not been thought about that for a long time ago. I meant really very long. But once I found that trigger, it hardly to stop thinking about it. Because I know, it’s still my nightmare. And it still here, it never leave. I think we couldn’t forget anything that happened in our lives. Really could not. We just don’t think about it, but it doesn’t mean it’s gone or disappeared.
That trigger made me feel bad.
That trigger made me feel sad.
That trigger made me feel guilty.
That trigger made me feel unforgiveness.
I know I must move on. I know that happened in the past, it lived in the past. And I should not let it be influence myself too much.
Yes, I know. And I think we all know the way you should do. But we always know, sometimes we cannot move on for something happened into your life. Especially when you were the one who made decision.
But it was good at that moment, I could find the distraction and made me focused on something else instead stay in the Guilty loop. And I was aware and kept telling myself, that thing happened in the past. It lived in the past. The only choice that I can do is awareness and don’t let that thing happened again. I think that’s all I can do. So, I just left my thoughts and focused on something else.
But it never been easy. Never.
As we all know, God always told us to forgive those who trespass against us. When I do confession. I believe God always forgives me. But I’m curious, did he forget the sins I have done?
Have you ever wonder about this?
I think he never forget. But he just never bring it up and against us. And this will be the great reminder that his mercy will have no end. His mercy will be there for us… always.
Then look back to ourselves.
Have you ever forgiven yourselves? At least for once?
I believe we all have something that we could not forget and forgive yourselves. Me neither. But at least we know that we would never let that thing happen again. We know how to prevent. We’ve learned. So, when we face our trigger. The only thing we can do it “looking it calmly”. And tell ourselves “It was the past, it happened in the past, we could not change anything. But we can do better, we know what is going to happen and lead us to it. We know how to prevent and don’t let that happen again.”
Believe me, it’s not easy.
But it doesn’t mean it’s impossible, right?
Maybe we must practice that for our entire lives.
Just don’t give up on ourselves. We know we can do it. We will succeed in one day. If yesterday or today we don’t succeed, it’s okay. All people has been failed. No one never failed. I keep practicing. Sometimes I can deal it well. Sometimes I failed. Sometimes I was too tired. But I know myself that I don’t give up, I will not give up. When it tired me, I rested yes. But I never give up.
One day if we succeeded, we will be in peace. Peace in our minds, our hearts and our souls.
Then we will see that we can live with it peacefully. We know how to handle when we faced the trigger. We know how to make ourselves calmer and feel better sooner.
But we never forgot the trigger… never.